pond scum

When my husband and I were in our mid-thirties we hosted a small group Bible Study at our house. Our church sent some of us to get training in various church related things. One thing I learned that has stuck with me to this day, is the training in small group dynamics. In general, in each group different people fall into different roles.

The obvious ones are the leader and the hosts. There would be a compassionate person, a person who lacked patience, a timekeeper but the one that stayed with me most (and the one that has assisted me in handling small groups since) is the EGR… Extra Grace Required.

Our group had an obvious EGR. For me it took a lot of patience to deal with her. She was in Sunday School with me, in some of our women’s groups with me and at least two more groups WITH me.

I did not know how to handle her negativity and entitlement issues. The only thing I could think to do was ask the Lord to let me see her through His eyes. (Remembering that He loved her as much if not more than He loved me.)

So when we had conversations, I would look directly in her eyes asking the Lord to let me see her through His eyes, to see the beauty in her that He sees. To give me a heart of love for her.

One night, our group was over, and people were getting ready to leave. I saw EGR walking towards me. I quickly began planning getaway strategies (the bathroom was occupied so that didn’t work, maybe get engrossed in putting food away?).

EGR was too fast. Before I could plot alternative escapes, she reached me. I put on a smile, looked into her eyes, reminded myself that God loved her as much or more than He loved me and asked her how she was while mentally bracing myself for her classic EGR response.

She ignored my question while awkwardly telling me that in one of her classes in church, they were told to thank the person who made the biggest difference in their spiritual life. She proceeded to thank me.

Wait, what? She was actually thanking me!?

I felt like pond scum. I wished the floor would crack open to swallow me up. It still brings tears to my eyes knowing she was not thanking me; she was thanking the Lord. He took over as I would talk to her (praying the whole time).

There have been several times in my life that I felt the Lord was humbling and chastising me. This moment was a big one. Did I think I was better than her… maybe in God’s eyes I was the EGR. (After all He needed to humble me).​

“The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart.” I Samuel 16:7b

Epilogue: After that day, the Lord opened my eyes to the beauty of that person and gave me a heart of compassion for her as well as understanding for how hard it was for her being a single mother.

Fast forward 30 years: The last 12 years of my work career were in Human Resources, specifically in employment. I dealt with hundreds of people, and I can honestly say only a handful of them did I out and out not like. With those (as with others) I looked into their eyes and prayed.

There was one man that my instincts told me we should not hire. But against my advice they did. Three months later he was being terminated. I did not like him at all (he creeped me out) and did not want to be in a room alone with him.

I told him my boss would do an exit interview with him. He refused to meet with him, he said that of everyone in the company I was the kindest one to him. He thanked me for that… sound familiar?  Only God.